Archive for July, 2012

Broken For Life

Posted in Poems with tags , on July 29, 2012 by amildcaseofdeath

I was in love

But my heart was broken

I faded away from words never spoken

I felt the pain and never was free

It wasn’t love it was robbery

Now I know what I need before my life ends

To open my heart and love again

ThatWasTheDayIDied

Posted in Poems on July 29, 2012 by amildcaseofdeath

They called me names and looked at me weird

They wouldn’t even speak to me let alone lend an ear

They yelled at me and put me down

They froze me out without a sound

They made me feel dead inside

That was the day my heart died

They spoke as though I was for shit

Stuck up a nose when I wanted a friend

Left me high, dry, and all alone

Never called me on the phone

And so the days went by and I gave up the try

I broke into a thousand pieces

Made myself pray to Jesus

They washed me away

I’ll remember that day

When no one was there when I was lost

When my bitterness payed it’s overdue cost

No one could see the damage inside

She broke me down.  I wanted to die

She doesn’t understand

She’ll leave forever

Broken

And that was the End

Understand This

Posted in Poems on July 29, 2012 by amildcaseofdeath

I can’t share with you what I feel

That very thought makes me ill

I’m breaking apart and nothing’s okay

All I want to do is die today

You can’t see through me as I sit in tears

Condemned to sadness for the rest of my years

Please see this one little thing

I need you to care for me, not shut me away

Please stop the sting. Of the pain. Of dying

Of wishing I were dead

These untruthful thoughts inside my head

I fear the truth coming about, and cry at the thought of you not figuring it out

It hurts so much, so deep.

I gave you my soul, it was yours to keep

When they passed me from her arms to yours

I believed you would protect me from all my fears.

The only thing keeping me alive is god

I feel like an unwanted alien in this world.  

I cannot remember anymore how many times my heart has broken

Or even how many words must still be spoken.  

You leave me as I have left you, having nothing that holds us together

Because I was not of your womb

I cry and you bear your self-righteous grin

Thinking this is a game you have to win, but it’s not, it’s me,  lost in years

Afraid of facing all my fears

But most of all of facing you and telling you all I ever knew

Afraid that when the truth comes about

You will give me away without a doubt

You don’t love me, you hate everything I do

All I want is to stop needing you

But you are all I have, I feel, and tomorrow I will wake up again and you won’t be there

Me a ball of pain, and you a ball of fear

I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die

Growing, spreading rigor mortis

Understand this

Choose

Posted in Poems on July 29, 2012 by amildcaseofdeath

Another Day

Broken pieces never heal, our only sense left is to feel.

Knowing that we’ve gone too far, there’s no escape, we’ve lowered the bar.

Hoarding all our fears, always full of tears.

The sun goes down another day. Another soul dies away.

The darkness overtakes our mind and hope is to far lost to find.

The shelter of this empty place, makes us helpless, makes us deface.

Losing grip on another day, and we’re all slipping away.

 

Another Way

Broken pieces always heal, our only sense left isn’t only to feel.

Open your heart and free your mindHope is erratic, but not hard to find

Let go of the fears that take hold of your soul. Never to forfeit;  that is your goal

Never in need. Always in drive. Never let your will subside.

Take a hold of it tight. Never let go of your faith.

Clutching on to another way… and we’re all finding our strength.

I Know The Plans I Have For You…

Posted in Poems on July 29, 2012 by amildcaseofdeath

You tell me I’m nothing

And in being nothing, I will never become

But what you don’t realize, is god’s forming me deep inside

That is where I live, and where I breath

Nothing? Me? Please. 

Stop your shallow ignorance

You get your life from the image of the living

I get mine from the regrets of the dead

Not only the ones who have ceased to exist, but the ones who have

Lost themselves while they still breath

There is something deep with inside of me, something you are

To shallow to see

 

Someday I will rise up so high

Higher than the world, up to the sky, and you will revel with pride

You’ll cheer for this precious child you raised, who once was nothing

And now is praised

You callow; with no grit of your own

Hesitant to believe with her soul

I will be something, someday

You wait, you watch, you see

And when I am

You won’t take the credit for me.

Velvet Chains

Posted in Poems on July 28, 2012 by amildcaseofdeath

The pain we feel

Causes neither to heal

The stubbornness keeps us apart

The slate is full, too late to restart

The pain in me is endless and has taken me as its host

His pain has made him lose himself and never find what has been. 

His presence is like a ghost

Our sanities are compromised with each passing day

The fear, regret, pain, guilt, and loss of hope make nothing for us to say

Wishing for peace and comfort, relief from all the grief

Wanting order and wholeness back, an outlet to set him free

What once was new never got a chance to grow whole

The doors are shut and locked and growing webs, no way to ever know

Holding on to pain and fear

Never switching gear

Holding on to control because of what has been lost

Scars and grudges bear the costs

Building walls out of brick

Covering our eyes to smother the pain

Nothing in our lives can make us sane

Remembering the better days          

When I wasn’t in his life

And love came at ease

I’m growing up and leaving now

A life wasted, but all that’s left is moving on

Breaking smaller everyday

Washing both our lives away

Hoping one day, god will give us the words to say.

These velvet chains we bear

Unbreakable.

And keeping in our hurt, our pain, and our fear.

Haunting

Posted in Poems on July 28, 2012 by amildcaseofdeath

Wanting one thing, but doing another

Out of fear, out of heart, and out of cover

Afraid of taking the chance, the haunting memory of a dance

You crave it solely, but run away, then forever regret that day

But you can never change it now and your heart fades away…

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