Understand This

I can’t share with you what I feel

That very thought makes me ill

I’m breaking apart and nothing’s okay

All I want to do is die today

You can’t see through me as I sit in tears

Condemned to sadness for the rest of my years

Please see this one little thing

I need you to care for me, not shut me away

Please stop the sting. Of the pain. Of dying

Of wishing I were dead

These untruthful thoughts inside my head

I fear the truth coming about, and cry at the thought of you not figuring it out

It hurts so much, so deep.

I gave you my soul, it was yours to keep

When they passed me from her arms to yours

I believed you would protect me from all my fears.

The only thing keeping me alive is god

I feel like an unwanted alien in this world.  

I cannot remember anymore how many times my heart has broken

Or even how many words must still be spoken.  

You leave me as I have left you, having nothing that holds us together

Because I was not of your womb

I cry and you bear your self-righteous grin

Thinking this is a game you have to win, but it’s not, it’s me,  lost in years

Afraid of facing all my fears

But most of all of facing you and telling you all I ever knew

Afraid that when the truth comes about

You will give me away without a doubt

You don’t love me, you hate everything I do

All I want is to stop needing you

But you are all I have, I feel, and tomorrow I will wake up again and you won’t be there

Me a ball of pain, and you a ball of fear

I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die

Growing, spreading rigor mortis

Understand this

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