I know when I have suicidal thoughts, they occur within a dissociated type state.

Posted in Uncategorized on August 25, 2014 by amildcaseofdeath

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

People talk about suicide being selfish. On one level, I see their point. The loved ones left behind suffer, terribly. And I do not want that and I know many suicide survivors say the same.

But, I know, whenever I have ‘those’ types of thoughts, I am not capable of thinking the way I do when I am calm and rational.

I have not figured out entirely what state I am in when these dark thoughts are filling my mind. They could be due to:

1. Dissociation.

2. Emotional flashbacks.

3. Psychosis.

All these being different, but still an altered state of mind, where my thought processing is different to my normal thought/processing capacity.

I have researched suicide, and I know the emerging, latest views in the psychiatry/neuroscience world, is that suicide most often occurs when people are in an altered state of reality.

Mental health disorders such as Depression, PTSD…

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Those suppressing/avoiding their own trauma, should not be preaching this is needed for all.

Posted in Uncategorized on August 23, 2014 by amildcaseofdeath

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD


I understand fully why people suppress their trauma. I did this for 20 years. It was too unsafe, I was too alone to deal with it.

So I did what society tells people to do – got over it, moved on, never looked back. Or at least tried my absolute best. Even my own husband did not know the details of my trauma for 10 years. Proof that I did not talk about it. I lived a highly functioning, capable life. I was suppressing all my trauma.

This for me, was the worst thing to do, but it was all I was capable of at that time, and that’s okay.

I realise for many, this is what they will do all their lives. And that’s okay too. Some can’t delve into their own trauma, their own minds and souls. And for some – to do that would kill them. It has…

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Yes, I am a Christian. No, I don’t need to honour and respect abusive parents.

Posted in Uncategorized on August 7, 2014 by amildcaseofdeath

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

“Why isn’t there a commandment to “honor thy children” or at least one to “not abuse thy children”? The notion that we must honor our parents causes many people to bury their real feelings and set aside their own needs in order to have a relationship with people they would otherwise not associate with.

Parents, like anyone else, need to earn respect and honor, and honoring parents who are negative and abusive is not only impossible but extremely self-abusive. Perhaps, as with anything else, honoring our parents starts with honoring ourselves. For many adult children, honoring themselves means not having anything to do with one or both of their parents.”

― Beverly Engel, Divorcing a Parent

Christianity often gets so much of what is stated in the Bible wrong. Particularly when it comes to abuse.

God does not want us to be in any relationships where abuse is occurring, where…

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Society: Stereotypes and “the danger of a single story”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 6, 2014 by amildcaseofdeath


Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story

The TED summary is as follows:

“Our lives, our cultures, are composed of many overlapping stories. Novelist Chimamanda Adichie tells the story of how she found her authentic cultural voice — and warns that if we hear only a single story about another person or country, we risk a critical misunderstanding.”

I love watching Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s talks. She is so wonderful, and brilliant.
She makes an absolutely excellent point, and one that I think is so important to every person worldwide, especially as our world becomes smaller thanks to the internet and technological advances.

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Culture: “Fitspiration” Photos

Posted in Uncategorized on October 9, 2013 by amildcaseofdeath

This article is very healthy.


The 6 Most Shockingly Irresponsible “Fitspiration” Photos.

This blog post popped up on my newsfeed and it’s awesome.
I hate those “fitspiration” photos on Pinterest and Tumblr.
They are so disturbing.
Exercise Anorexia is a very real thing. Let’s not encourage it. geez.
“Strong is the new skinny” is just all kinds of messed up.
And reading this reminded me of when broadcasters were picking apart the bodies of female athletes for not being skinny enough or pretty enough. WOW, they’re at the Olympics, have some goddamn respect.
So you see, it’s not really about being healthy, or strong, or proud of yourself. It’s more shaming of women.
Par for the course.
And I’m having none of it.

Choice quotes:

“Training so hard as to induce vomiting and uncontrollable sobbing is to slowly undermine the basic human judgement of what constitutes challenge versus what causes injury”

“Strong isn’t really…

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In Lieu of Flowers…

Posted in Poems with tags , , , , , on October 1, 2013 by amildcaseofdeath

In lieu of flowers, bring your presence as its absence was before. Tilt your head and plead forgiveness for excuses that ignored. Drying roses fill the coffin, sto-ned faces greet each eye. tear drops trail sallow faces at the thoughts of only, why?Hapless mourners take their places, dressed in shroud of only gray. Aching in their bellies at a most confusing day. Regrets about and haunting as they filter through your soul. Posted photos of smiling faces, still a truth, not at all. It was desperate, it was fleeting, it was hopeless, it was cold. All the anguish never leaving. Like a drowning in it all. Though in wonder of the absence, was there something they could done. Scenes of a life leaving traces of your place in everyone. Too late to redeem the folly of the good within each heart. Now her presence, ever living, somewhere deep beneath the dark.

Emotional Neglect, Depression, and Suicide

Posted in Blog with tags , , , , , , on March 3, 2013 by amildcaseofdeath


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